Slowing Down is Difficult

The first step is creating time to rest, but what happens when your insides are still going 200 MPH?

In late July last year, we had a summer rainstorm that was just perfect. It was the kind of rain that starts at nighttime and gently falls all day. The clouds stayed long enough to drop the temperature to a reasonable 90 degrees, and it was wonderful. Until 2:00 pm there were cool breezes and a break from our 115° – 120° F temperatures. (Phoenix, Arizona is rough in the late summer.)

It had not rained like that in our area in months. It was just what we needed.

Photo by Danielle Dolson on Unsplash

So I canceled our plans for the day and we relaxed on the front porch with books, snacks, and cold sodas. The kids were super excited. They were not bickering or complaining. We were just enjoying the weather, our books, and each other’s companionship. We have not had a peaceful porch hang-out in a while.

On the outside, I looked relaxed. I was sitting with my water bottle, reading a book I enjoy, and stopping to journal my thoughts.

But on the inside, I was a frazzled mess.

There was a war within me to sit and enjoy the moment. This rare event that I longed for and had created with my precious kids. And I knew this moment would pass quickly. But on the inside, instead of feeling settled, I was listing all the “should-s” and the “could-s“. In my head. My inner taskmaster was shouting and stomping her foot.

My thoughts were bouncing around:

• I noticed all the sticks and small branches in the front yard that needed to be picked up.

• The potted plant to be put in the front flower bed. “I could do that real quick.”

• I felt the need to get up and go for a long walk because, “you really should get exercise today…”

• The pile of papers in my office and the planning for our next trip I should do.

• “I should get up and play with the kids, what kind of mom am I if I just sit here reading?”

• The piles of stuff in the garage are still there and it is nice enough out to work in there without getting heat stroke. “You could do that right now…”

• “What do you think you are doing? You can’t sit still!”

The happy resolution to that rainy morning is that I choose to rest. I journaled out all the “should-s” and the “could-s”, I brain-dumped a list of all the things I needed to do, then took deep breaths. I chose stubborn resistance against unnecessary productivity. I kept reading my book.

It used a significant amount of willpower and prayer. I asked God to show me how to rest in Him. Not because I am lazy, but because I am capable and strong. I choose to take time off from all the lists of things and just be.

That morning rainstorm was a rare unicorn, an oasis in the actual freaking desert.

It was also a pivotal moment for me.

I realized that slowing down is difficult. It is hard because it is so radically different than how I have been wired, trained, and encouraged to be.

I spent time later that evening journaling.

• Why do I let the critics in my head push me into Overachiever Mode?

• Why do I work super hard to arrive at the finish line, but as soon as I cross it I keep running?

• Why do I keep skipping rest?

• Why is rest so hard?

Photo by Alexandra Fuller on Unsplash

How about you?

• Do you struggle with this too?

• Do you ever work hard to get to a moment of relaxation and then once you get there you can’t relax?

• Have you ever planned a relaxing event and then worked your way through it?

• Have you ever been sitting still but internally you are buzzing a million miles an hour?

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I do this more often than I would like to admit. It’s actually a problem I wrestle with often. Sabbath rest is HARD.

It is difficult to slow down.

We each have unique struggles that keep us busy and moving quickly. There is no shame in the ways that we press forward. No need to judge others for being productive. I believe that we are called to bring order to chaos and get things done well.

But we do need to ask ourselves, when do we stop? When do we rest completely? We need to be honest with how often we slow down.

I ask because I do not have the answers. I am still on the journey of learning how to rest, when to do so, and when to lean into productivity.

It is a difficult dance that changes constantly.

My wish for you is that you find your quiet unicorn moments in the midst of a busy season. That you allow yourself to slow down on the outside and then sit a while to let your insides calm down too.

☔💙May you find rest this week - April

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[Photo by Alexandra Fuller & Danielle Dolson on Unsplash]