When Life Gets Complicated - 4 Helpful Lists

In seasons where everything feels upside down a few tools can keep you going.

Mar 25, 2025

💙 Hey,
Keeping it real as always—this month has been a lot. As I shared in my newsletter, there’s been a lot happening behind the scenes in home and my family. My role has expanded to include more caregiving and support for those around me. My kids also spent most of spring break sick. (I was the last one standing until Saturday then the flu hit me hard.)
My days have been filled with extra responsibilities, unexpected moments, and the challenge of balancing it all. At the same time, I’ve been stretched in my writing as I push toward completing my book project. It’s been a season of pouring out, but also of remembering to find small moments of rest and creativity where I can.
So, today I am sharing this post from the archives because I needed it and maybe you do too.

4 Helpful Lists

Life can be exceptionally hard. There have been seasons full of days where I wake up and just focus on the next few hours. In my house there are interrupted schedules, strong emotions, unexpected setbacks, and lots of family.

I am sure that you can relate! I am sure that you have had times in the past few years when things are HARD. Not just the regular, life sucks kind… but the really deeply frustrating kind.

The season when everything feels upside down and what was working is not anymore.

I had a conversation with a friend that made me realize I needed some tools to help me stay sane. What I had been doing was okay, but not good. And I felt like I was getting farther away from myself. Like I was being swept away by a strong current. I needed something to anchor me in reality that was outside of my difficult circumstances.

I realize that what I am writing about today is nothing new. But sometimes what is most effective is what we already know.

The key for me lately has been DOING IT.

This means actually getting out my pen and paper. Taking the time to breathe deeply and write the lists out. It’s hard at first. The first few words take time to get out of my head and onto the page. It’s not pretty to watch…

But then the magic happens.

As I focus on these ideas my brain starts searching through my day looking for moments. The hard and difficult parts fade a little and I can see the beauty that was there. My focus changes and different things come into view.

Self-Care List –

I cannot serve others well if I have nothing to give. I must have the emotional and physical capacity to handle the difficult situations I am in. My (tea) cup needs to be filled first.😉 Am I right?

I ask myself:

What am I doing to take care of myself so that I can give to others?
How am I eating, resting, exercising, and what am I reading today?

Sometimes self-care is just something super practical like eating veggies, taking a nap, or sitting in the quiet with a book for 15 minutes.

Here are some of my basic Physical Health self-care checklist items:

Drink a tall glass of cold water. 
Get up and do some stretches and roll my shoulders, touch my toes.
Take 5 deep breaths.  Breathe. Hold. Breathe. Fill my diaphragm fully.
Have I taken my B12 vitamins today? Did I take my multivitamin last night?
Go give each kid a big hug and way too many kisses. Hold Kyle and snuggle.
Do I need sleep?  Can I nap right now or how can I get better sleep tonight?
Have I eaten fresh fruits and veggies today?  Eat a banana, a salad, or an apple.
Wash my face with cold water.  Redo my hair.
Change my shirt or pants.  Am I wearing something uncomfortable?
Have I done something to raise my heart rate?  Go for a fast walk, do 3 sets of stairs, or do some squats.

At the top of my Self-Care List is spending time in the Bible and time alone with God. If I have time and direction from Him then I know what to focus on. Everything else logically falls into place. When I experience God’s love, grace, and kindness then I can give it to others.

What does Self-Care look like for you?

Do you have a list that you use when you can’t think straight?

Connections / Relationships List –

Who we connect with matters. Who we spend time with shapes who we are, how we see the world, what we think, and how we feel about ourselves. Taking the time to really talk with my kids is important to me. I want to have meaningful conversations with them. I want to end my day with my husband sharing ideas, making plans, and being together in a non-rushed way.

I actually connect with my family more often than I give myself credit for. I do take time each day to listen, to snuggle, to read aloud, or play a game. Having a list of those moments is super helpful for me when the mom guilt starts creeping in.

My friendships and close relationships are very important to me. Sometimes it’s over a cup of coffee, or a heartfelt talk, often it’s a text, or a quick conversation at church. I may not have extra time right now to see them or hang out for the afternoon, but I can do something small. I can keep that connection alive.

Writing down these moments has been meaningful to me.

It reminds me that I do have kind friends in my corner who care. I feel loved by their acts of kindness. I stopped expecting big grand gestures (from myself and from others). I am more appreciative and grateful. My friends have busy lives too.

Thankful / Gratitude List

I have to be fully honest and say that I totally roll my eyes when someone says “Gratitude List”. Like really??… Sometimes people embrace a complete denial of reality so that they can pretend everything is cheery and great. Well, it’s not. That approach really gets under my skin. Sometimes life is just hard. And no amount of “Thankfulness” can take away that hard.

Real gratitude is not about lying to ourselves.

However, I have discovered recently that in the midst of hard things there is still good. There are moments when I can relax and enjoy my kids laughing, the sunset, homemade cookies, reading on the couch, or a delicious dinner grilled by my husband.

The rest of the day might have been filled with chaos and unexpected emotions but, those brief moments were good. And I do believe that acknowledging those bright spots is a good practice.

The Ta-Da List

This list is also unofficially part of my routine. A Ta-Da list is simply a list of big and small tasks that have been completed that day or that week.

Reflection helps me look at the past in a new way. I am learning how to stop, slow down, and acknowledge what I have done. Then I am able to see where I am going.

The concept of a Ta-Da List was first introduced to me by Gretchen Rubin. My Ta-Da lists become valuable information for me to move forward.

How to make a Ta-Da List –

Be very practical and write out what you have spent time on.
Give yourself credit for every small thing!
Relationship & connection tasks count too.
Thinking and processing can go here as well.

Know that you are not alone. We all have circumstances that push us beyond what we can handle. I hope that by taking these moments for reflection and list-making you can find some peace.

Have a beautiful day!

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